


you can (not) even

by orphan_account



Category: Neon Genesis Evangelion, Rebuild of Evangelion | Evangelion: New Theatrical Edition
Genre: Crack, F/F, Group chat, Help, M/M, asuka loves her gf, i came up with this at like 2am, kaworu canon uses tiktok, mari is basically belle delphine, shinji is so sick of everyone, shitty spelling/grammar intentional, there are 3 different reis and they're all bots, this is going to be really shit sorry lmao, this is my first crack i have no fucking clue what i'm doing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-16
Updated: 2019-11-16
Packaged: 2021-01-31 16:37:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 503
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21449350
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Kaworu 'accidentally' clicks on some suspicious links he was sent on TikTok, causing a group chat with him, Shinji, Asuka and Mari to turn into a chaotic mess where the bot goes rouge and confesses its love to Mari.
Relationships: Ayanami Rei/Makinami Mari Illustrious, Ikari Shinji & Makinami Mari Illustrious, Ikari Shinji & Souryuu Asuka Langley, Ikari Shinji/Nagisa Kaworu, Makinami Mari Illustrious & Nagisa Kaworu, Makinami Mari Illustrious/Souryuu Asuka Langley, Nagisa Kaworu & Souryuu Asuka Langley
Kudos: 38





	you can (not) even

Asuka 💖: hey what was the homework

𝕞𝕒𝕣𝕚 𝕠𝕨𝕠: *blushes slightly* uhm...i think it was the twigonomity uwu nya~

Asuka 💖: hey mari can i ask you something?

𝕞𝕒𝕣𝕚 𝕠𝕨𝕠: *omg nya >o< a wuv confession??* yes desu

Asuka 💖: .

𝕞𝕒𝕣𝕚 𝕠𝕨𝕠: *blushes profusly) uwu desu nyan!!!!

Asuka 💖: why am i dating you?

𝕞𝕒𝕣𝕚 𝕠𝕨𝕠: I don't know.

sad hours **is online.**

sad hours: Guys we have a problem

Asuka 💖: yea?

sad hours: you know how Kaworu isn't very smart

Asuka 💖: skksksksk yeah

sad hours: well

sad hours: You know tiktok

Asuka 💖: Yeah

𝕞𝕒𝕣𝕚 𝕠𝕨𝕠: nyes

sad hours: he got dmed by a bot

sad hours: on tiktok

Asuka 💖: oh fuck

Asuka 💖: rip all of his money 

kaworu. **is online.**

kaworu. **added** @Rei21345438, @Rei94748324 and @Rei02938471 **to ** **Neko Sugar Girls Fanclub.**

kaworu.: GUYS HELP I FFUCKIED UP

Rei: REDEEM YOUR FREE APPLE GIFTCARD HERE: bit.ly/pissneko69

Rei: REDEEM YOUR FREE PORNHUB PREMIUM HERE: bit.ly/worthyofgrace

Asuka 💖: NAGISA KAWORU WHAT HAVE YOU DONE

Rei: REDEEM YOUR FREE IPHONE 20 HERE: bit.ly/youfuckingmoron

sad hours: I ACCIDENTALLY CLICKED THE PORN LINK

Asuka 💖: SHINJI YOU HORNY IDIOT

Rei: Hello baby ;) free sexy HERE! #wowzers: peepee.com

sad hours: REDEEM YOUR FREE HENTAI HERE: bit.ly/peepeepoopoo

kaworu.: REDEEM YOUR FREE GAMER GIRL HERE: bit.ly/stanikarishinji

𝕞𝕒𝕣𝕚 𝕠𝕨𝕠: nya lmao

Rei: penis time: bit.ly/imnotgaygreg

Rei: REDEEM YOUR FREE ADOBE HERE: bit.ly/fingersinhisass

Rei: REDEEM YOUR FREE STARBUCKS: bit.ly/imrunningoutofideas

Rei: REDEEM YOUR FREE REDDIT GOLD HERE: bit.ly/thanksforthegoldkindstranger

Rei: REDEEM YOUR FREE JAMES CHARLES PALETTE HERE: bit.ly/hesnotthicc

Rei: REDEEM YOUR FREE SHANE DAWSON HERE: bit.ly/ididnotcumonmycat

Asuka 💖: HOLy SHIT SHUT THE FUCK UP

kaworu.: guys i'm sory

Rei: REDEEM YOUR FREE NETLFICK HERE: bit.ly/nomoreflymetothemoon

Rei: REDEEM YOUR FREE YOUTUBE HERE: bit.ly/ashlynxshouldvelived

sad hours: Why dont the block button or kick buttons work

Rei: Hello! Thbank you for registering with legitvirusprotection.org. her eis your free protection: legitvirusprotection.org/protegent

Asuka 💖: i'm going apeshit right now hholy fjfjck

𝕞𝕒𝕣𝕚 𝕠𝕨𝕠: nya...jjust for me, senpi????

Rei: REDEEM YOUR FREE MINECRAFT DIAMOND HERE: minecraft.cum

𝕞𝕒𝕣𝕚 𝕠𝕨𝕠: OWO thank u so muchly rei eight numbers-senpai

Rei: REDEEM YOUR FREE MY HEART HERE: farmville

sad hours: that's not even a fucking link

𝕞𝕒𝕣𝕚 𝕠𝕨𝕠: uwu i love u rei-chan

kaworu.: shinji help

Rei: I LOVE YOU TOO MARI

Asuka 💖: if i get my girlfriend stolen by a bot i'm going to kill you, kaworu

kaworu.: TELL SHINJI I LOVE HIM

sad hours: aw kaworu :)

Rei: REDEEM YOUR FREE MARI HERE: ilovemariillustriousmakinami.com

Asuka 💖: how the fuck did it get your full name

Rei: SHUT UP ASUKA

Rei: MARI LOVES ME GET DICKED

Asuka 💖: square up, bot

Asuka 💖: she's MY gamer girl! 

𝕞𝕒𝕣𝕚 𝕠𝕨𝕠: i'm so sowwy, asuka

𝕞𝕒𝕣𝕚 𝕠𝕨𝕠: i luv rei-senpai :3

Asuka 💖: you what

kaworu. **kicked** @Rei21345438, @Rei94748324 and @Rei02938471 **from Neko Sugar Girls Fanclub.**

sad hours: THANK YOU

Asuka 💖: finally

𝕞𝕒𝕣𝕚 𝕠𝕨𝕠: Kaworu Nagisa I'm Going To Eat Your Fucking Organs For Brunch

**Author's Note:**

> this is the worst thing i've ever written 
> 
> twitter: https://twitter.com/asukar0se


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